Bangkok

Today I had a magnificent and amazing time. Woke up with breakfast and a little surprise. Thai people are just by nature so sweet and hospitable. I was just mentioning last night that I love to eat quail eggs and this morning Ea went all the way to buy me a packet. So sweet of her!!! I felt so touched.

Quail eggs... This time round we ate it the Thai style... instead of boiling, they fried it!!! Nice!!!

Ea bought me this for breakfast, she's really so sweet!!! =)

The people here treated me like family and they were so nice to me!!! They love me just like their own. Amazing!!! Mr Teerachep especially loves me so much!!! Ohhh… I love him too, super nice and caring!!! He takes care of me like a princess!!! I never have to lift a finger to do anything!!!

Today, they drove me to see a really beautiful place. The sight is so unforgettable. I see hundreds of seagulls flying towards me. Something that I’ve never seen in my life!!!

In the car, on the way to that place... we're camwhores!!!

Take 1...

Again...hahaha...

Take 3

This is so beautiful!!! Me and Mr Benz Teerachep

The sky was pink in colour. Those were Seagulls.

This is Hong... She's very cute!!!

The sweet Ea who brings me breakfast everyday is the one in pink. She never fail to remember what i mentioned about things that i like/dislike. Very very sweet!!! So touched!!! This whole family of people just simply amazing!!!

You can never imagine that this is Bangkok right?!

That's a fish swimming errr... i mean paddling through those thick puddle of mud!!!

Sunset... can you imagine that the sun was setting on the right side and on our left we see the moon!!! Beautiful!!! The whole sky was just painted pink!!!Hong bought me some stuff to feed the seagulls...

Trust me, there's so many people there but i was the only "lucky" one that got this!!!

So sweet of him to help me wash them off... haha...

Candid shot!!!

PS: Fun, fun, fun...

Violet Ash

Was having MSN video call in my room and i captured all these photos of my latest hair color. Nice? My hair is so very light now!!! I simply love this color. Violet Ash!!! Sorry if i scare you cuz i didn't have the time to make up, slap on some foundation, blusher, lipgloss or anything!!! But did have some brown eyeshadow since this afternoon when i went to the salon!!! Anyway, just wanna show you my hair color that's all.

Pardon my eyebags!!!






I think i've lost some weight!!! I need to eat more. Hate myself when i am down, i eat very little BUT trust me, i am gonna be alright from now on.

PS: 7 days and i am flying off, can't wait!!!

Please Don't Come Here

It’s 5 am in the morning and as usual, I am not asleep yet. Been waking up rather early lately. Maybe old veggie just don’t need too much sleep. Or perhaps subconsciously I hope that days pass me by fast and forward it to the 28th of this month. The day that I go away for a long time. I can’t wait. I am just so eager to go.

It’s gonna be a lifetime experience to live and work in a different culture. To learn more things in life. To understand people of different race. To know what’s it like to stay in a slow moving pace country. Unlike the fast and quick Singapore. Not that I am saying that Singapore is no good, just wanna learn something new.

Found out so many things lately!!! I was shocked!!! I was soul searching for the past 2-3 weeks. Reflecting on what I did and what I have not. I would not call myself the victim. Rather, I would say that in relationships, both parties play a part. It takes two hands to clap.

There’s always a “Giver” and then the so-called “Taker”… So then, what is the definition of the giver and the taker?! I couldn’t elaborate much. Giver may be the one that gives in more than the Taker? But is it possible for one to be the “Giver” all the time? I doubt so!!!

Let me put a scenario to you;

Seth is unhappy with Ruth. Seth is someone who’s judgmental and probably due to his overflowing insecurities deep down it caused him to portray the “full of confidence” guy. Seth is an introvert and Ruth on the other hand is an extrovert. Both live in a totally different world.

Seth is a sweet guy. He cleans up everything for Ruth. He buys nice food for her. He never fails to give her what she asks for. He can give Ruth a good massage every time she is tired after work. He will cook for her when she’s hungry regardless of the time. He is nice in this way.

Ruth on the other hand gave Seth every weekend of hers. Even get Seth to stay over at her house so that he doesn’t get more insecure than now. She handed him the keys to her place. She made him breakfast at times. She always tries to keep everything moving.

Seth doesn’t like Ruth friends… Regardless male or female!!! He doesn’t like her job. He kept everything bottled up inside him and every time he explodes, it will be a long episode of hurtful insensitive remarks that he’ll sprout at Ruth. At one time, Seth even challenges Ruth to quit her job if she loves him.

Ruth is passionate about her job. It is her profession. And God tailored her this way. This is her talent. She’s good at it. All in all, what she does is her passion. But she loves Seth, so Seth came to a conclusion to only allowing her to work once a week. She accepted and so she only works once a week.

Side track abit, Seth had walked off from Ruth 3 times and every single time she’ll beg for him to return. Ruth thinks that it was too emotionally draining her out but she still try to work things out. She told herself to fight to the end and never give up on their relationship no matter what.

But, just the day before Seth broke off with Ruth, everything was still so fine. Or perhaps, Seth acting skills was so real and professional that Ruth didn’t suspect a thing. She couldn’t smell a rat. She didn’t know that anything was wrong.

Nevertheless, Seth broke off with Ruth through a fierce angry conversation over the phone. They broke up.

My question is, Seth seems like the so-called “Giver” BUT do you think that Ruth is the “Taker” or not? Did Ruth “give” in to the relationship? Do you see her putting in effort? I am 1001% sure Seth did a lot of things. But he wants to prove himself too much which causes him to stress. He overlooked too many things.

Damned, I don’t know how to continue this story. But I can only say that everything takes two hands to clap. I am not calling myself the victim for I AM NOT!!!

Everybody hear me, “I AM NOT THE VICTIM!!!”

Stop pointing finger at things that you don’t know. Stop thinking that you know when you don’t. You don’t know how much I cried. And vice versa. I don’t know how hurt you were. But I do not wanna think for you anymore. I do not wish to jump to conclusion and judge you for who you are or who you are not. I can only conclude that I am not the one that made the decisions to call it quits. But that doesn’t make you the devil and me the victim. Get the facts right.

I don’t need you to give me chance for I don’t think that I did anything wrong. It is your decision to leave and I don’t beg to differ. That is me!!! I am tired of pacifying and I am sure you too!!! This is THE END!!! I have backbone and I will learn to be a much better person from this lesson. Thank you for showing me that a person who seems so kind can be so scary. Good luck!!!

Looking forward to my trip, really!!! I don’t have to prove a thing now… Period. =)


Eager to see the light up of Orchard road this Christmas season before i leave. Oh, just how much i love the mood of Christmas. I can even smell it in the air already. I will be having mine overseas, how about you???

PS: I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND I WILL LOVE THEM FOREVER!!! REMEMBER!!! Remember something about me, when i love someone, i will love them with all my heart!!! And that's me.

And then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on. And you cast your fears aside and you know you can survive!!! So when you feel like hope is gone, look inside you and be strong. And you finally see the truth that a hero lies in you!!!

So Sure!!!

Finally I cleaned up the mess in my pink pink room!!! It’s been a long while since I haven’t been really well. Hmm… But I can do it myself now!!! Haha… I sounded so handicapped don’t I? I think I should change the bed sheet as well. Probably I’ll do it slightly later in the night before I sleep.

I hear thunder and I see lightning. I smell the rain. It’s gonna be a big heavy rain I am sure. I like the smell of the rain. If you don’t what I mean. I am a “smell” person too. My nose is very sensitive sometimes I think that I’m a bitch or my previous life was a bitch.

Yesterday, I went to change my hair extension. Yes, they’re all badly tangled up after lying on the bed for so many days during my isolation!!! Every time I get depressed, I tend to not get up from my bed. I have no idea why though.

But I am all better and finally got them changed!!! Now I need a haircut and coloring badly cuz of the outgrowth of my virgin hair, I think looked so cock now with dark brown hair and very light ash blond hair even if friends around me told me that I looked totally okay!!! I think they’re just being nice. Thanks, I love you guys!!!

Oh ya, as I was saying, I went to change my extension yesterday. Went to the Chinatown branch. Can you imagine I sat there for a god damned 3 full hours! Haha… Yes, just imagine how tangled up my hair was. It’s that bad, Like my dog’s fur when it all got matted up!!! Kekeke… Nevertheless I am so glad that I’ve got them all changed.

Thereafter I proceeded to the place that I always perform Narcissus. My home ground… haha!!! Yea, I was told to follow instructions from a long distance phone call from Thailand. It was a surprise meant for me. I am shocked. I never thought that someone would do this for me.

I’ve got a video clip record from someone confessing his true feelings to me. Coming from someone so popular and cute, i just don't believe it. I don't know why. Haha, funny… I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw it. And I received a few pieces of gifts from him. So sweet of him. As least that perked up my day for awhile. I didn’t believe that my normal passing comment leaves a mark in his heart and he remembers what I say deeply in his heart. So sentimental.

*I'll always remember that you sang me this*

There's A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need
To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow

Cuz There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place


If You Want To Know Why
There's A Love That
Cannot Lie
Love Is Strong
It Only Cares For
Joyful Giving
If We Try
We Shall See
In This Bliss
We Cannot Feel
Fear Or Dread
We Stop Existing And
Start Living

Then It Feels That Always
Love's Enough For
Us Growing
So Make A Better World
Make A Better World...


And The Dream We Were
Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We
Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep
Strangling Life
Wound This Earth
Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow

We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die
In My Heart
I Feel You Are All
My Brothers
Create A World With
No Fear
Together We'll Cry
Happy Tears
See The Nations Turn
Their Swords
Into Plowshares

We Could Really Get There
If You Cared Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
To Make A Better Place...

I thought all the guys on earth have lost their sentiment already!!! Especially good looking ones!!! I would say that he made a good move. I really appreciate it. You’ll never know what I mean unless you see the video clip with your own eyes. But sorry, I think it’s not nice for me to publish them. This very very HUMBLE and shy boy told me not to but if I really wanna post it, I can. I respect his stand. Once again, I wanna thank you for your heart BUT like I told you, I need a lot of time and space for now.

Also to all my friends who stood by me through my hardest time especially Suramin and Berlin!!! Thanks so much I love you guys a lot!!! Thanks for staying up with me throughout all my lonely nights when you gotta wake up to work early the next morning!!! Thanks for bringing me to eat whatever I want to when I have the cravings!!! You never fail to comply to my needs when I am so so down. And he did it with NO COMPLAINS!!! I really really appreciate you guys!!! I don’t know what I would be without you guys!!!

I am sorry I won’t be able to celebrate Christmas with you all this year. There are some things that I would wanna venture this time. I wanna spread my wings and fly. I am going away. I hope that my experience this time would be a fruitful one. If you guys can, come see me perform there if I can arrange for one. We’ll go party big time there. It’s been a year since I even PARTY!!! Let’s party like crazy for once!!!

I am leaving in 10 days to come… Whoever loves me will come see me at the airport. ^_^

PS: Never been so sure!!! And damned it feels good!!!

For Some Judgemental People Out There!!!

Sometimes people just want to push you off the limits!!! When they themselves already know that it’s passed limit!!! Why do that?! Some people just don’t learn. Still wanna push you some more!!! You know, I had enough of hearing all those things that people tell me!!! I don’t wanna know. I am not interested to know either!!!

Yea I know, you are the angel and I am the devil. It really didn’t matter to me who’s what!!! But you want me to die is it?! Why still trying your luck to push me?! Is that really true that you wanna see me attempting things that you know I am capable about!!! You just wanna try your luck once again? You know, I felt that you have some split personality problem!!! At one point you’re this and the next you’re that!!! It’s just so scary!!!

I am just NOT interested about anything about you ANYMORE OKAY!!! You can go do whatever you want. I have washed my hands off you. Erased those memories. Then why still probe into me?! You are not what you seem to be okay!!! Everyone has their good character and bad character. You have to accept that!!! If you don’t, you’ll never go far. You’ll never soar…

You think too highly of yourself. You overlooked too many things!!! Please don’t look down on others cuz you’ve never live their life before. You don’t know how hard their life can be. They don’t choose to be stupid. Most of them aren’t anyway. Circumstances made them what they are today. God don’t teach you to judge, God teach you to love.

I am not perfect and I can never be. This I am very sure. But I don’t judge people for the job they hold, the country they come from, the race, how they looked like…black, white, yellow or even green, how much they earn per month, how’s is their upbringing. Even the auntie who works as a toilet cleaner doesn’t mean that she’s poor. To me it only shows that she’s hardworking!!! She may have a son who’s a doctor. She may be living in some condo. So who are you to judge just by what she works as? Don’t judge unless you wanna be judged!!!

You know, I really wanna go away!!! To a place and to a land of smile. I can’t wait to go!!! I wanna shut myself away from all that I’ve learn here. Lucky me, I am going away this 28th for work and play!!! I am going to RELAX!!! IF it’s possible, I don’t even wanna come back!!! Haha... like real, my family is here!!! Bear with me can, I am just very agitated now!!!


Basically, I just have had ENOUGH of everything that is happening around me and I am sick and tired of everything. Now, I choose to be happy. I am just angry now!!! I know I’ll be fine when I wake up tomorrow morning!!!

Enough of all these… I go learn my Thai songs now…

PS: Talk to my hand!!! Sorry, it’s talk to my ass!!!

Pole Dance + Ballet = Grace

When you give Pole Dancing a tinge of Ballet. It came out as graceful!!!

















































I love these pictures!!! Thanks Martin!!!

Nice!!!!!!! One of my favourite!!! Never fail to dance with the band everytime they sing this song!!!

I Love Berlin

Best friend Berlin came over to my place to visit me today!!! I am so happy to see her. She’s always there for me. Never fail. I love her!!! We sat down and chat for a long long time. And I realize that we found out some stuff that “someone” lied about. Just imagine if I never attempt to clarify with her, think about the misunderstandings we’ll have!!! -_-“

Well, we never quarrel before and never will!!! She’ll forever be the one nagging at me all the time and I’ll forever be the one that never listen to her advice!!! 12 years ago and now, still the same!!! I always bully this sweetheart of mine. Kekeke…

It’s 5:41am in the morning and I am not asleep. Heehee… What’s new anyway right?! Think I should head to bed now… Good night everyone.

PS: I see a better tomorrow. Thank God for that.

Some People Want It All But I Don't Want Nothing At All!!!

It’s Saturday and I am enjoying the nice breeze home alone beside my window in my pink pink room. Took a deep breath… Arhhhhhhh…. This is how Saturday afternoon smells like. I am glad that I am alive and survived through another day. Thank God for that.

The sun is shining but the weather is rather cooling. Have you ever smelled the green? Cuz I can. I don’t know how to explain but it’s a kinda nice fragrance that comes outta the grasses and trees when the sun shines on them. Bet you know what I mean.

I have been home since my trip and days have been boring and slow. I am right about 2 weeks away from my long trip away for the first time being alone overseas alone. I am gonna be alright. I am sure. I want to learn. Like I’ve always said, my lessons are always learnt the hardest way. Don’t worry, I shall be fine. =)

I have yet to get my hair colored and all. My eczema on my scalp is beginning to subside. Cheers to that. Wow, I can’t wait to get my hair job done. I look like an idiot now. Thanks Suramin for sending me the YouTube link of Shakira.

You know how sweet he is? He knew that I am feeling down and unattractive cuz of the outgrowth of my virgin hair. I can’t get my hair job done unless my eczema heals nicely. He sends me a link to watch Shakira having the same hair color with the same amount of hair regrowth. He asked me a question, “After you see the video, do you find Shakira’s hair unsightly/ugly? I replied, “Hmmm… no.” I felt much better after that… thank you so much!!! You’re the best can!!!

My room is in a big mess!!! I am gonna get mum to get the maid to come clear it for me!!! Haha. Been watching Taiwanese Dramas and Korean Dramas. My vote still goes to Taiwanese Drama. Don’t know why, but I think nicer can.

Yay!!! I finally master 80% of Lydia’s Thai song without having to glimpse at the lyrics!!! Mr Teerachep is so sweet to teach me Thai every single day. I don’t know how if he doesn’t. I can speak some Thai initially, now I can speak more!!! Yipeeeeeeeeee……………. ^_^” I simply love language!!! Mama said that she’s sure I’ll speak better when I stay there. Kekeke…

I was sharing some thoughts with my mama yesterday and we talked for quite abit. About my past and my future. About my plans and my feelings. For the first time in my life, she looked at me in the eye and told me, “Look at how beautiful you have grown. I want you to know that you can succeed in what you want. You’re independent now, I have confidence in you. Take some time to recuperate and sort out your feelings… You can take as long as you want. We are here to support you financially if you need. We’ll always be there for you.

Blood is always thicker than water. Even though you are not the apple of my eye since you’re young but you’re still my daughter. I will support you.” Wah, so touching can. It’s so good to know that my family’s with me, my best buddies standing by me and God is with me. Praise the lord. Amen.




Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within and
I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
Promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
No one to share, no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby
Said nothing in this whole world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

PS: Some people want it all but I don’t want nothing at all. Some people want diamond rings, some just want everything but everything means nothing!!!

Weird

It’s exactly 5:19 am on the clock. I tried sleeping since 3am… Switched of the lights, off my lappy and all but now lights on, lappy on!!! I can’t get to sleep. I am so wide awake. So awake as though I’ve slept for a long long time.

I am having a bad migraine. I don’t know why. What have I been thinking of that made me so wide awake? Seriously, I don’t know. I hate this feeling!!! I loathe this “all alone” quietness of the night or should I say morning!!! You can’t talk to anybody as everybody is asleep by now. No one wakes up at this timing or maybe I have no friend that is awake now to talk to me. It’s not them, well obviously it is me, myself and I.

Can you imagine channel surfing SCV and find that there’s not even a single channel that I wanna watch? Even coming online. I went to Facebook etc etc… nothing amaze me. I wonder if I’ll even feel sleepy soon. I have got zilch sleeping pill with me. I know I can’t depend on them. Anyway I don’t have it!!! How I wish I have.

I am so bored. It’s always this kinda time when I start to ponder about my past and foresee my near future. I stood by my windows and breathe the nice morning dew. Ahhh… so this is how morning smells like. Smells a little like


My lappy died on me so I didn’t continue…

Eczema

I am seriously in need of a hair dye job!!! As all of you know, I am blond. The outgrowth of my virgin hair looks really unsightly. I thought maybe I should get the stylist to come to my house instead of me stepping out. I don’t wanna scare people although I’ve always been! -.-“

Did I even mention that I am having a bad eczema attack on my poor scalp and I need to let it heal for a week before I can go to the god damned salon?! Cuz I need to bleach my hair before having the actual ash blond that I want. Bleaching process can be painful at times.

Been rotting at home lately. Didn’t even go out since I came back from the trip. I wonder how long I can sustain my sanity. Guess I really need some fresh air. Anyway I haven’t been feeling too good lately. Ill and in pain. Just finished a course of antibiotics. Hopefully I can get better soon. I would like to go karaoke and stroll the beach.

PS: I want to be better!!!

For PaPa

爸爸，我会加油的！！！ 我永远都会记得你今天跟我讲的这句： 小诗，你现在休息是为了明天走更长的路。。。 你一定要记住。 谢谢你爸爸。。。 加油加油小诗！！！

爸爸，当没有人相信我的时候，你永远会是那个坚持站在我身边保护我的人！当没有人支持我的时候，你永远会是我唯一的支持者。我在你身上学到了打不死蟑螂的精神！！！ 谢谢你。我不会让你失望的。现在，我唯一需要的是一些时间。我可以的。我会的。 谢谢。

SHOOTING

Hard Learning

So what have I been doing lately besides isolating myself inside my room?! Hmm… I have been learning a few Thai songs so that I know how to sing. I mastered 2 songs in less than 12 hours already. 50% of Yun Nan Nan Na by Lydia (without looking at the lyrics) and 80% of Teerak (without looking at the lyrics). Just simply click on the link below.





I really love languages. Learning the language at the same time is fun. I am working hard at it. Very interesting!!! Japanese will be next. For Japanese I’ll probably have to turn to my bestest sweetie friend Ayumi Yano from Japan to teach me.

Sweetheart, within a blink of an eye we have known each other for 11 years already!!! How time flies!!! Miss ya. Miss our good old days where we hang out together every single night at Boat Quay and at Paragon. Baby, if you need to get those wisdom teeth out, get it done soon.

I am missing a lot of my friends suddenly. I kinda like disappear for the past one year. Didn’t really have the time to meet my friends. Well, everyone have our own things and life to discover am I right to say that?!

People come and go. Same goes to friends. Many stopped by but only a few were here to stay. Like Berlin… We’re like closer than our own family members huh?! Haha. I love you sweetheart. Thanks for offering me to accompany me for the previous trip. I understand that you can’t take leave so last minute… so no worries. I am fine by myself.

At least from the bottom of my heart I know that you are not heartless enough to let me go alone. It's sad how most people become who they promised they'll never be. If you have no kindness inside your heart, then you really have nothing. Nothing at all. You know the stubborn me very well. I will go right ahead with what’s plan.

So I have a few questions for “you”;

Do you ever wonder about everything you left?
Do you question your decisions?
Do you ever second guess?

So what’s next for me? I need to get a few things done before the 28th of November. I need to get some hair extension done. I need to go for a hair coloring job. I seriously need a hair cut!!! I need to prepare some stuff that I need to bring for the trip since I’ll be away for a long time. I need to do my nails. I need to visit Helen at Novena Square 2. I need to meet Janness before the US trip!!! All this I shall start to do next week. So for the next few days I shall just go into isolation again. You know, the most difficult phase of life is not when others don’t understand you...It’s simply when you don’t understand YOURSELF...

Anyone wanna come for sleepovers at my place??? Strictly girls only!!! Haha… I am growing some algae and mushrooms on myself so that when you girls come over we can barbeque them. Hee hee hee… I damned lame can!!!

I have been sleeping lesser and lesser. I don’t know why. I hate this. It’s only 23:54 hours now and the night is still young. But I am home up alone in my room rehearsing the Thai songs over and over again and again. I can’t slack.

I promised Mr Teerachep =P that I will master by month end so that I can perform on the 12th of December in Bangkok. Wanna come see me sing there? Haha.. It’ll be fun!!! Ayu and Suramin, both of you coming? Hahahaha… I know, Suramin, your eyes sure pop out when you see your SURAMIN here on my blog!!! Funny!!! Ok… I am getting back pieces of me day by day alright. This Suramin is not a Malay, he is a Chinese. Kekeke… Migrated from some country… haha…

How unbelievable things can get huh?! Many unpredictable things happen every single day. We can never imagine that the stuff that we never thought that we’ll do we did. Those people that we thought that we knew so well we actually came to realize that we don’t know them at all. How ironic things can be.

PS: If you can't do it right today, there's always tomorrow and every day after that to try again.

Thanks

And it hurts seeing someone you love change into something you don't even know anymore. Well it’s all history already but somehow people just like to reminisce. We’re all humans anyway. I am so sorry but I haven’t been able to even write down how I was feeling recently. I wonder where to start and how to describe. This whole saga just suck big time!!!

My trip is confirmed and I’ll be flying off for a long time!!! I’ll bring my camera!!! So who’s coming to send me off at the airport?! I hope that I won’t be forgotten here. I hope to see all those who loves me at the airport ya?!

To that someone out there who’s been accompanying me throughout this painful saga, thank you so very much. Words can never describe my gratitude and the things that you’ve did for me. Thanks for being there whenever I needed someone’s presence. I know you missed my monkey faces and laughter but I really do hope that I can make one soon. I will.

Ayu, you’ve been such a sweet darling to me too. Thanks for your kind advice. I greatly appreciate them. Thanks for chatting with me on msn during my trip. We shall meet up real soon. Probably sometime next week? What do you think?

See, I am stuck here no knowing how to continue…

Going off…

PS: I will never forget what you did to me.

Ballet Photoshoot

说好的幸福呢?

Ever felt so blue that you can’t even feel how you are feeling at all? Times when you can’t even write down your thoughts thinking that it will make you feel better after writing. I wonder where I am heading to. I am so numbed to all these heart wrenching feelings I think I must be immune to them from now on.

I wanna go away. For a long long time. I wish to hibernate!!! But I still trust God. I love him. Just that I am down now. I need time alone with no one but God himself. He has indeed made me a stronger person. Praise the lord.

I am suffering alone emotionally in a so near yet so far place.

Speechless, I am stopping here.




你的绘画凌乱著　在这个时刻

我想起喷泉旁的白鸽　甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯　我还爱你呢

而你断断续续唱著歌　假装没事了


时间过了　走了　爱情面临选择

你冷了　倦了　我哭了

离开时的不快乐　你用卡片手写著

有些爱只给到这　真的痛了


怎麼了　你累了　说好的　幸福呢

我懂了　不说了　爱淡了　梦远了

开心与不开心一一细数著　你再不捨

那些爱过的感觉都太深刻　我都还记得


你不等了　说好的　幸福呢

我错了　泪乾了　放手了　后悔了

只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转著　要怎麼停呢

Cross Road

Soon you’ll see that life is just another movie. I woke up to my ringing tone from my mobile phone. As the tone stops, I realized how quiet the ambience is. Utterly scary cuz it’s under bright daylight with sunlight shinning into my room through the blind. I took a deep breath… Another day…

Once again I came to a rough patch in my life… another episode of slow and long sufferings. What’s new anyway?! But it’s really okay though… I am sure this will brace me up to be a stronger person! Been so lost and all without directions, I came to a cross road. Not knowing which path to take. Well I guess I would just stagnant here for a little longer before I decide where to go again.

Tonnes of opportunities came knocking on my door recently. I have offer to even perform oversea. So lost with all my emotions and thoughts, I don’t think I will be making any decision yet. I wanna have at least another 14 days to rot, sob or whatsoever before I start thinking again!!!

There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past… there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future. Simply because they CHOOSE to let you go.

PS: Sometimes people should learn how to be humble. You don’t know how? Eat humble pie!!!

Trial And Error

I am left to fight my own battle from today onwards. Alone and afraid. I was shocked to hear what you’ve told me but it’s okay. I’ve always learnt my lessons the hardest way!!! I am still lost since I heard that sentence you’ve sprouted but its okay. God give you free will to choose what you want in your life.

I’m trying to find a place to breath. Trying to solve this puzzle called life… Trying to wake from this nightmare and I'm trying not to fail. It has never been easy for me, you knew it!!! You wouldn't even look at me at my worst... so why should I give you the time of day at my best?! There's nothing left to keep hoping.

You know, the most difficult phase of life is not when others don’t understand you... It’s when you don’t understand YOURSELF... If you think you always understand, don't expect others will, because we are all made with different points of view and people were meant to argue, we just have to accept the fact that we cannot please everybody!!!

Most of the time trials are easier if you have someone to share it with, but sometimes there are things in life that is better to be faced alone, not because you choose to be alone, but because it will be much better for everybody around. It's not too bad to give yourself some reservations away from the world outside, it only gets bad when it becomes your way of living and it affects the way people see the real you and judge you for it.

Well, what is there left for me to say now anyway? Congratulations!!! You’ve just proved me right in what I always think. You are the last person that I think will do this to me. I will not force you either. Thank you anyway. You’ve just taught me another lesson. Lesson learnt!

PS: Sometimes the people you fall hardest for just aren't ready to catch you.

I'm not a girl, not yet a women.

Certain days I just wanna lie on my bed and not wake up. I just have to drag myself off my bed recently. Everything seems meaningless. A slap came to me greeting me a big welcome to this realistic cold world. I’ve yet to even brush my teeth since I woke up 3 hours ago!!! I was still lazing in my room on my bed till now.

I didn’t manage to catch the meteor shower last night as I was performing. Sad!!! I so much wanted to wish on a million falling stars. Wishes don’t come true, I know. But maybe wishing on countless falling stars may grant me at least a single wish of mine.

What have I been thinking lately? Where am I going to? What am I suppose to do? What do I want in future? What are my plans? What do I want now? What can I do about it? What is right? What is wrong? I ponder…

I wish that I am that naïve, happy go lucky girl that I used to be. Then I was foolish, incautious, and silly but am definitely full of love!!! Reality slapped me hard and I gotta learn my lessons the hard way and that makes me a much tougher cookie now. But I yearn to live once again in those days when I am so down to earth and full of love… days when I don’t think so much. But those were the days!!!

I’m not a girl, not yet a women.
I used to think
I had the answers to everything
Mmm but now I know
That life doesn’t always go my way. yeah
Feels like I’m caught in the middle
That’s when I realize

I’m not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I’m in between
I’m not a girl

There is no need to protect me
Its time that I
Learned to face up to this on my own
I’ve seen so much more than you know now
So don’t tell me to shut my eyes

I’m not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I’m in between
I’m not a girl

But if you look at me closely
You will see it in my eyes
This girl will always find her way

I’m not a girl
I’m not a girl don’t tell me what to believe
Not yet a woman
I’m just trying to find the woman in me, yeah
All I need is time
Whoa, all I need is time...
A moment that is mine
... that’s mine
While I’m in between
I’m not a girl
Not yet a woman
Not now
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I’m in between

I’m not a girl

Ooooh, not yet a woman




PS: Isolation….

Spaced out

Had the whole day of photo shoot with Martin from Holland on Sunday and It was great. The photo shoot started from morning all the way and damned I was tired but it was all worthwhile. The best photographer that I’ve met so far. We took more than thousands of shots and it was fun. Modelling is fun fun fun!!!

I know I haven’t been updating or writing my blog lately. Just plain busy or either at a loss of words to express. Finally I came to a state where I don’t need people to understand, to believe, to trust, to have faith, to pity, to embrace and to love me. I quoted this for a valid reason.

In actual fact, you can’t force people to understand, to believe, to trust, to have faith, to pity, to embrace and to love you. It all comes to you when the second party made up his/her decision to choose to understand, to believe, to trust, to have faith, to pity, to embrace and to love you. I don't know what to say anymore. I've lost all words.

I am not going through any heart breaking relationship although it sounds like it is but I swear that it isn’t. I am just plain depressed. Over whatever that happened and over what I’ve came to realize. I am hurt. No one can help me but myself. I feel so cold and empty inside. I know it is ok to feel depressed sometimes BUT I just want to stop feeling depressed ALL THE TIME.

Guess I need time on my own to recuperate. I don’t want situations to get any worse. Probably absence will make the heart grows fonder. In the meantime I just wanna embrace some time alone to myself. I will be fine. I hope. It’s hard enough to be what you are, harder to be what you’re not!!

So sick of being the way I am…Nobody understands as much as they say. If I'm not doing anything right, why ask me what's wrong?! It'd take much too long.

~ She laughs and smiles ~
~she giggles and claps ~
~inside she cries and weeps~
~as her barriers collapse~

PS: So I say… F_*k DEPRESSION!!!

Perth Day 9

Perth Day 9

Hillary's Boat Harbour

As usual, the sun was so bright that i can't get my eyes open.

Me, Winnie and Jasmine


Jasmine took this footprints in the sand.

This is beautiful!!!

Why my face like this?!

We were there for 2 weekends and it was a fruitful experience. It's always good to spend time with your family members. I am frequently learning and picking up new things on my way. Understanding that life is really unpredictable.

PS: I know I'm crazy at times but I will always be there for the ones I love, no matter what!

Perth Day 7

Perth Day 7

Posing outside my brother's room

Synergy Park

I know you can't see from here but the water is Turquoise in color.

My boots

My family

We placed the camera on a tree and shot this!!!

Kings Park

Pink flowers so pretty!!!

Me and my brother

Check out the view

Look at how happy my mum was... she loves flowers!!!

That's me and my Papa!!!

The bed of yellow flowers!!!

We went to Fremantle!!!

We had Fish and Chips!!! Damned it was ex!!! A packet of ketchup cost me $1.70 Aussie Dollars!!!

Perth Day 5

Perth Day 5

Can you see the sun shining throught the trees? Beautiful!

I bet you can't see those little flowers in yellow sprouting from the ground.

UWA

This is a huge tree!!!

Pink flowers

I love pink!!!

I love these background

Perth Day 4

Me and my mum

Taken at UWA

The River

Me sailing?

I can't open my eyes cuz the sun is shining into my eyes

Blink!!!

Man, i love these trees

L-R(My brother Nick, Winnie his girlfriend, Mum and Me

Papa, Winnie, Mum and Me

This is my FAVORITE PHOTO!!!

The big mosquito that tried to suck my blood through my leggings!!! My brother caught it!!!

The fruit from a tree outside the house.

The Indian ocean... how nice

But it was darn cold!!!

Winnie and my youngest brother

Perth Day 3

Perth Day 3:

We decided to have steamboat at home and it's fun especially in a western country. The weather is so cold, it was so perfect for steamboat. We drove to some mart and only manage to get these.

They bought a coffee maker machine at home.

Not so ready...

That's better



All of us squeeze into a car...

Our steamboat ingredients, Chicken, beef...

Fishballs, meat balls, mushroom balls, tofu, crabstick, cuttlefish balls

Lettuce so fresh

Golden mushroom

Prawns...

Our dessert... big strawberries!!!

Look how big it is!!! My brother is holding on to it!!!

Perth Day 2

Today is day 2 at Perth. Woke up darn early like 7am and it’s like f_*king freezing early in the morning!!! Don’t know how many degrees!!! The atmosphere’s damned dry too. Makes my dehydrated face crack. Lips too!!!

How I wish I can upload all my photos together with my post now. I can’t. You see, Australia’s different from Singapore where we pay for a price and get unlimited access. There’s limited band width. So I guess if I manage to upload all my photos, guess both my brothers and sister in law no need to use the internet for the whole month!!! Have to be considerate. No choice, just save all my daily entry into Microsoft Words.

We went to Perth Royal Show today and it was so great. It’s a totally different experience for me. It’s a fruitful experience. There’s so many things to see. Saw all the champion animals like dogs, cats, chickens, ducks, birds etc etc. Seen wild horses too!!! Since it’s a big carnival there’s rides and games too. Didn’t dare to take those scary rides but played a couple of games though. Won myself a nice pink bunny anyway. ^_^

We spend the whole day at the carnival and the best of the best of this Perth Royal Show is the fireworks!!! It was so damned magnificent, beautiful, wonderful, awesome, pretty, incredible, unexplainable, magical, artistic, bright and the list just goes on!!! =) The fireworks is just directly above me. Damn I tell you the feeling was as though there’s a meteor shower falling right onto my face. It was nothing like our National day’s fireworks. It’s much much nicer and duration was longer… Like say twenty minutes?! About there.

I can’t help but to tell my family members that we should go there again tomorrow!!! Heeheehee… I’ve caught them on videos but it’s so much nicer in real life. This experience will be in my head for the rest of my life. Never forget, never ever erase!!!

We drove up to see the city lights after the carnival. Guess I still couldn’t get over the whole fireworks thingy in my head. After seeing the fireworks, nothing seems to be more beautiful than that. Nothing!!! We had some Chinese food for dinner in some Hong Kong style restaurant in the city.

Last but never the least, we got home after 12 midnight!!! I’ve got no idea where we’re going tomorrow. But I guess I don’t have to wake up so early like today… My mind is blank for now… so I shall end my day 2 here.

PS: Fireworks fireworks I love you…

Perth Day 2:

At home before leaving for Perth Royal Show... I am all ready!!!

Me, Mum and Nick my youngest brother.


Outside the house.







Just in front of the house... the beautiful garden.



Papa and Nick.



















Finally, Perth Royal Show!!!

This doggie look so fierce but it was so funny when i sat down beside it, it started to lick my face non stop!!!

Okay, finally!!!

Look!!! It's sniffing my head!!!

That's not a real baby, but it looks so real right?!

Check out this beautiful pink pram.

That's a kitty cat that looks like a leopard!!!

That's ice cream!!!

Look what i've won!!!

Me and my brother.


Funny buttcheeks shorts!!!

I will upload the fireworks video soon.

Perth Day 1

Hi all, i am back finally... ^_^ How's everyone doing?? I've brought so many things back here to Singapore and I'll be selling it here on my blog. Yes, i have the Tresemme Curling Lotion which i raved so much about!!! Limited stocks so email to order before it run out ya. =) I have apparels from Australia as well!!!

Perth Day 1

So here are my photos:

At Changi Airport before flying off

That's Winnie, my youngest brother's girlfriend



Touch down at Australia finally!!!






The garden outside our house



Check this out

That's the house we stay here in Perth...

My dad

Yoga?!

Me and my brother. He's as fair as me!!! Haha...

Today is day one at Perth. We reach home about early evening. Didn’t sleep for the whole of yesterday when I was in Singapore. Yea, insomnia gets the better of me. I am down with high fever anyway. How nice right?!

Being here in Australia just reminds me of the time when I was still in the U.S. I love States a lot. What I love most about Australia is that I am able to have a full view of the clear blue skies without high rise building blocking my view. Not like Singapore.

Well, me and my family members went downtown to the city for some food and shopping. Didn’t buy anything yet. City is pretty much like Singapore… but nicer. Caught a few guys street dancing and it’s damned cool!!! I enjoyed watching them dance.

After dinner we head home to rest early cuz we’re going to the Perth Royal Show tomorrow. It’s gonna be a very big event. Had a quick shower and it’s a really fast one. Climate drop too much at night!!! So now here I am after my shower in the room writing my thoughts of today. Getting ready for bed too…

I better do… Good night. =)

Sorry made a mistake... i will be back after 6th october. Faint!!! Haha

I am in Perth now loving the weather... Can't update blog too much cuz at home here the bandwidth is limited... Will upload all my post and pictures when i am back... ^_^ I won't be back till 6 june.

Best friend

Berlin my best friend brought Niki, her beloved doggie over to my place at about 9pm just now. Okay, it’s officially 6:39 am in the morning. I should say last night instead right?! But I am such a weirdo you know. To me, if I haven’t sleep, it will only mean that my day isn’t over! ^_^” haha… This is just me.

I am so glad to see her. Miss her so much you know!!! We haven’t been bitching for awhile. She’s always the one to be there for me and I will never forget last year, when she’ll call me every single day without fail just to wake me up and be there for me when I was down and depressed. I love her a lot. I am looking into spending more time with this baby of mine. Sweetheart, we have to!!!

Both of us are totally different yet we are the best of friends. We live a totally opposite lifestyle. She works in some office down Orchard Road. Hold a 9 to 5 job. Loves mahjong. Doesn’t party late or even go clubbing! As for me, most of the days I’ll wake up only in the late afternoon. I model/dance so working hours quite hard to specify. Most of the days I just don’t work. I conduct pole dancing lessons. I don’t hold a 9 to 5 job. I don’t work in the office. To me, work can end as late as 3am in the morning sometimes!!! I know zilch information about mahjong!!!

But we are a fan of BUFFET!!! We LOVE FOOD!!! We love singing, we love doggies, we love to gossip!!! I bet these are enough to keep us the best of friends forever!!! And I totally trust this babe! She knows all of my darkest secrets and I am very sure she won’t tell anyone else EXCEPT her hubby Alan… which I am very okay with Berlin sharing my secrets with him. Know the both of them for about 12 years already!!! Time flies!!!

Both of us should go Taiwan together next year huh?! What do you say Berlin? Or even Japan? How about that??? Anyway, I’ll try to go to sleep now so that we can have Sushi buffet later on… Seeya then... =)

PS: A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Dog's compassion

This was what made me cry while watching it. Extracted from my best friend’s blog. Must watch!!!

Sleep Paralysis

This was the first thing i see when i opened my eyes today...

I haven’t really been writing. I have been lazy or I have nothing to blog about. Life is just boring sometime. As I’ve always say, “I’ve got serious insomnia.” I have been really struggling hard with sleep problems. Every other day I would just post on my facebook claiming that I can’t fall asleep. Boom!!! Along the way came another!!!

What happened then?! Yea, weird but I dare not fall asleep for the past few days. I still remember that wee hours in the morning, I manage to fell asleep with the TV on. It was supposed to be on channel 32 which is cartoon. Strangely the thing is I was disturbed by a loud scary tune… those that we hear in horror movies if you know what I mean.

First thing I open my eye, I saw a lady lying on an operating table in some kinda morgue or something and she looks like she’s dead and coming alive!!! I got a shock!!! Only to realized that it’s on channel 5. I totally have zilch idea how the hell it became channel 5 instead of channel 32!!! I was quick to change channel!!! -_-“

I was rather disturbed by what I saw. I decided to set my TV on timer and try to fall asleep once again. The scariest part haven’t even started okay?! So I wasn’t thinking much. Just woken up by some scary tune that’s all. No biggie!!! Then….

I think I fell asleep shortly as I was down with a fever. Forget to mention that I fell ill for the past few days. Then… All I could remember was that I could move my whole body. I think I am having that sleep paralysis thingy again!!! My whole body already went into the sleeping mode but my brain is still wide awake!!! I panicked!!! I was scared. I couldn’t move!!! And I OBVIOUSLY HATE this feeling!!!

Now what is sleep paralysis???

Have you ever felt like you were awake but unable to move? You might have even felt afraid but could not call for help? This condition is called sleep paralysis. Sleep paralysis may leave you feeling frightened, especially if you also see or hear things that aren't really there. Sleep paralysis may happen only once, or you may have it frequently -- even several times a night.

The good news:

Sleep paralysis is not considered a dangerous health problem. Read on to find out more about sleep paralysis, its possible causes, and its treatment.

Is sleep paralysis a sign that something serious is wrong?

Over the centuries, symptoms of sleep paralysis have been described in many ways and often attributed to "evil" presences: unseen night demons in ancient times, the old hag in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, and alien abductors. Almost every culture throughout history has had stories of shadowy evil creatures that terrify helpless humans at night. People have long sought explanations for this mysterious sleep-time paralysis and the accompanying feelings of terror.

But sleep researchers now know that, in most cases, sleep paralysis is simply a sign that your body is not moving smoothly through the stages of sleep. Rarely is sleep paralysis linked to deep underlying psychiatric problems.


What is sleep paralysis?

Sleep paralysis is a feeling of being conscious but unable to move. It occurs when a person passes between stages of wakefulness and sleep. During these transitions, you may be unable to move or speak for a few seconds up to a few minutes. Some people may also feel pressure or a sense of choking. Sleep paralysis may accompany other sleep disorders such as narcolepsy. Narcolepsy is an overpowering need to sleep caused by a problem with the brain's ability to regulate sleep.

When does sleep paralysis usually occur?

Sleep paralysis usually occurs at one of two times. If it occurs while you are falling asleep, it's called hypnagogic or predormital sleep paralysis. If it happens as you are waking up, it's called hypnopompic or postdormital sleep paralysis.

What happens with hypnagogic sleep paralysis?

As you fall asleep, your body slowly relaxes. Usually you become less aware, so you do not notice the change. However, if you remain or become aware while falling asleep, you may notice that you cannot move or speak.

What happens with hypnopompic sleep paralysis?

During sleep, your body alternates between REM (rapid eye movement) and NREM (non-rapid eye movement) sleep. One cycle of REM and NREM sleep lasts about 90 minutes. NREM sleep occurs first and takes up to 75% of your overall sleep time. During NREM sleep, your body relaxes and restores itself. At the end of NREM, your sleep shifts to REM. Your eyes move quickly and dreams occur, but the rest of your body remains very relaxed. Your muscles are "turned off" during REM sleep. If you become aware before the REM cycle has finished, you may notice that you cannot move or speak.

Who develops sleep paralysis?

Up to as many as four out of every 10 people may have sleep paralysis. This common condition is often first noticed in the teen years. But men and women of any age can have it. Sleep paralysis may run in families. Other factors that may be linked to sleep paralysis include:

• a lack of sleep

• a sleep schedule that changes

• mental conditions such as stress or bipolar disorder

• sleeping on the back

• other sleep problems such as narcolepsy or nighttime leg cramps

• use of certain medications

• substance abuse

How is sleep paralysis diagnosed?

If you find yourself unable to move or speak for a few seconds or minutes when falling asleep or waking up, then it is likely you have isolated recurrent sleep paralysis. Often there is no need to treat this condition. However, check with your doctor if you have any of these concerns:

• you feel anxious about your symptoms

• your symptoms leave you very tired during the day

• your symptoms keep you up during the night

Your doctor may want to gather more information about your sleep health by doing any of these things:

• ask you to describe your symptoms and keep a sleep diary for a few weeks

• discuss your health history, including any known sleep disorders or any family history of sleep disorders

• refer you to a sleep specialist for further evaluation

• conduct overnight sleep studies or daytime nap studies to make sure you do not have another sleep disorder

How is sleep paralysis treated?

Most people need no treatment for sleep paralysis. Treating any underlying conditions such as narcolepsy may help if you are anxious or unable to sleep well. These treatments may include the following:

• improving sleep habits -- such as making sure you get 6 to 8 hours of sleep each night

• using antidepressant medication to help regulate sleep cycles

• treating any mental health problems that may contribute to sleep paralysis

• treating any other sleep disorders, such as narcolepsy or leg cramps

What can I do about sleep paralysis?

There's no need to fear nighttime demons or alien abductors. If you have occasional sleep paralysis, you can take steps at home to control this disorder. Start by making sure you get enough sleep. Do what you can to relieve stress in your life -- especially just before bedtime. Try new sleeping positions if you sleep on your back. And be sure to see your doctor if sleep paralysis routinely prevents you from getting a good night's sleep.

AND I SERIOUSLY BEEN HAVING SLEEP PARALYSIS LATELY!!! 2 days back to back getting this shit is really draining me up. I’ve been paranoid even getting into bed when the sun comes up. My eyelid was so heavy that I dare not fall asleep.

One moment I am struggling with my insomnia and the next thing is I am trying hard not to fall asleep!!! How ironic!!! With these going on, I think I should collapse very soon. It is really hard. I managed to get through last night with a short sleep paralysis attack again. I got up gasping for air. Told myself that I am dreaming again!!!

I am flying off in 2 days time. I am preparing for my trip to Australia to visit my family members there. I’m gonna be away for quite awhile. Preparing to go… I won’t be back before 5th of October definitely!!! Its spring season and its 11 degrees celsius. It’s gonna be cooling. And I am gonna attend some carnival and stuff. Sounds fun when mum told me about it. =) I may be flying off to UK in early November. So then I will be away for awhile again.

I’ve been on my Pole Dancing theories lately. Not easy as I’ve got short term memory. Have to remember some muscle thingy. Just like the course that I’ve went through previously with our Singapore Sports Council. Lucky thing is I’ve passed with flying colors. I hope I’ll pass this one too!!!

Going back for some more of my theories… and its 5:10 am now!!! Good luck to me!!! ^_^”

Bye for now…

PS: Sometimes when you give people a helping hand, they take your whole arm.

Beautiful

Don't look at me

Every day, is so wonderful
And suddenly, it's hard to breathe,
Now and then I get insecure
From all the fame, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no,
So don't you bring me down today,

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone and the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down, oh no,
So don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay

And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
On the other side

Cos' we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no,
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down, oh no,
So don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today




If I Ain't Got You

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what's within
I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
Promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

Hand me a world on a silver platter
And what good would it be?
No one to share, no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

Why do I dream every single time I sleep? And most of the time it’s not just one dream. It can go as many as 5 to 6 different dreams that have got no link at all!!! -_-“ There ain’t a single time that I don’t dream at all. How come?!

I haven’t been really writing much lately. I find that I am going into isolation again. It’s like you have too many things on your mind but find no words to describe. Lost interest in many things and most of the time I would just wanna stay at home. Don’t feel like talking to anyone or meeting anybody. I personally don’t understand my weird behavior too!

I am now waiting one of my students coming for pole lesson. I just thought maybe I should try writing something here. This whole day I only had a piece of whole meal bread and half a glass of milk. I am so lazy to even leave my house to buy food. I just don’t know what the f_*k is wrong with me.

I am into Chapter 32 of Rick Warren’s book and I’m left with 8 more to go. Still have a few Phil Pringles’ book that I have yet to get started on. Till I finish the current one I guess.

See, now I am stuck at my screen thinking of how to continue… Better go offline now… My student is reaching…. Bye

PS: Nothing is worse than when I can’t describe my feelings.

Sentosa

Dash and Veng came from Melborne and visited us here in Singapore. So we decided to go to Sentosa and got Elene Tay to join us as well. She's been too stress up with her school work and the sudden change of life style.

Our Sentosa Trip

In the cable car



Me

Dash, Me and Veng

So hazy!!!

Can you see Keppel Marina???

I look scared here...haha

The peacock

Elene Tay Yinling and me

An albino python

She can hold on to a typical python...bigger in size... but...

She was so afraid of the smaller albino python!!!

The big turtle!!!

In search of NEMO

Octopus!!!

King crabs... Looks delicious!!!

Huge stingray

Ain't that a stingray that took Steve Irwin's life???

This is so beautiful!!! Jellyfish!!!

Elene Tay, looks like the fish is gonna bite you!!!

What's this? A Dugong!!!

Then we went to Fort Siloso...

After sentosa, we had seafood at Casurina... near my house!!! Just minutes away but we headed for Sheesha in town in the end...
Here we are... Nasrin at Bagdad street!!!
Dash and my biceps... kekeke...


I was so distracted by the guy sitting beside our table... he was trying to get his friend to lie down on the floor and hypnotise him on the spot!!!

We'll be going to Melborne next year to visit them.

PS: Counting down the days

Assumptions

I think sometimes I could write on forever, then others I have so many emotions and thoughts, that I can't even write one sentence. Being able to survive it... doesn't mean it was ever okay.. Being accused is just like being hang for a murder you didn't commit. Being called the RAPIST when you didn't RAPE. Assumptions is always the mother of all f_*k ups.

Hit the rock bottom again... Struggling inch by inch to feel all better. Depression gets the better of me!!! =(

God, I am so sad... I hate myself so much when all i could do is to cry.

PS: Imagination does you good, until you find out it's not the truth.